About Me
Hi! I am Pam and I am glad you are here trying to find a way to outgrow your eating disorder. This is just for you to know who is the person behind all of this words. I am just a girl, looking for a way of living that makes me happy. Here it is glimpse of what has been my life, the rest, is all over this site. My eating disorder started at around 13. That is when I started to think I was fat, to think about calories, about doing exercise...I was 4'10" and 99 pounds. I thought Then at 16 I started with the binging and purging, eating and spitting. Hiding and stealing food. I would vomit hiding on my closet on plastic bags. I would also go through short periods of self-starvation and I would cut myself from time to time.
I was taken to the psychiatrist and to therapy because I told my family to do so. At first, they would take me themselves. Then I would have to make the 3-hour trip by myself. (Mexico City is huge) And then I just stopped going and nobody would ask why or whether I was ok already. (families tend to deny there is something wrong and I stopped going to therapy because my self-esteem was so low that I subconsciously didn't believe I deserved to recover and be happy) Then, around 19, I got the fattest I ever got to be (5'2" and 158 pounds). I guess I didn't vomit as much as I ate. And believe me, I vomited a lot. I put on 40 pounds in one year. Boy was I depressed!
It was around 20 that I stopped vomiting and my eating disorder became a swing of binging and then starving. Now six years have passed and my binges have reduced a lot. It is like the extremes of the swing are closing down. I know I still have problems with food, but as I work on my mind issues, I binge a lot less and I have even lost some weight. Ever since I was 16 I have been looking for a way to be happy and leave my eating disorder behind. I have read tons of books looking for an answer. Some of them helped me some of them didn't. I attended OA for a couple of months, but the group was so small and everybody was so sick, that we couldn't help each other. Now, I am not aware of how much I weight. I prefer not to know. I am trying to focus on feeling ok, on leaving depression behind, on being healthy and in treating my body with respect. And now, here I am, writing this site, trying to put the pieces all together and trying to help myself by helping others. (or helping others by helping my self?) Nowadays, almost nobody knows about my eating disorder. Just some close friends. My mom knows but she denies it. I was an English teacher for five years and a server for one year at Epcot Center in Walt Disney World. Out of the many jobs I have had, those are the two jobs I have enjoyed the most. I love reading, watching movies, writing, drawing, painting and taking pictures. I study plastic arts at the University. Now, I am trying to shift my focus from weight and food, to art and my self-development. Everyday, I am looking forward to go over all of the thoughts and feelings that lead me to this eating disorder. I just put all of my thoughts here, hoping that they may help you outgrow your own eating disorder. Happily, I am not the only one in this pursuit of helping others overcome their eating disorders. There is this great site from Stefanie Nielsen that focuses on binge eating:
She is a stay-home mother who struggled with binge eating. As different as we are, I am pleased to share with her the idea that eating disorders are not overcome with another diet, but by learning how to cope with feelings and by learning to love and respect ourselves. I think you may find the information she provides very helpful as well. I myself have :)
Outgrow Eating Disorders E-zineOutgrowing an eating disorder is a matter of perseverance. Of keeping in mind you want to get better. Of keeping in mind that you are not alone and that you can do it. So I'll be sending you and E-zine four times a year with updates and fresh info...just in case you forget ;)
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