Overcoming perfectionism

Overcoming perfectionism is a MUST in order to outgrow your eating disorder because it one of the things that makes and keeps us sick.

In this section of the site I want to write about perfectionism, perfection and its relationship with eating disorders.

This feeling of wanting/needing to be "perfect", manifests in either being eternally chasing perfection (anorexia/bulimia tendency) or procrastinating (binge eating tendency).

What is perfectionism?

I also like to call perfectionism as "all or noting", "black and white" , "either or" way of thinking.

Perfectionism is a way or a style of thinking. It consists on seeing things on terms of absolutely "good" or "bad", "beautiful or "hideous", etc. It is some sort of extreme thinking or generalization about things in reality.

Perfectionism is a tendency to see things in terms of black or white but never in shades of gray.

Where does this kind of thinking come from?

It comes from a feeling of not being good enough. This feeling could be originated in the family dynamic by constant critics or little enthusiasm for one's achievements.

Striving for "perfection"

There is some sort of unknown force that guides and pulls a girl towards perfection...this force, is mainly a sensation, that if it could be verbalized into a thought it would read something like:

"I need to be perfect in order to be loved"

The are variations that change from person to person:

"I am not good enough to be loved"
"I'll never be good enough"
"I need to be pretty to be loved" (and nowadays pretty means skinny)
"I am not pretty enough to have a man by my side"
"I have to do everything right so my mother won't ever have an excuse to criticize me"
"I need to be a super housewife so my mother-in-law stops criticizing me"
"I need to be super skinny so my husband won't leave me"
"I need to be pretty so that guy may want to date me"
"I need to be _________, so somebody feels proud of me"

That way in our minds, others' approval, affection, acceptance, love, attention, etc is conditioned to being perfect and absolutely flawless or to perform in a certain super specific way. That is what makes us chase perfection as if life depended on that.

Striving for a different kind of perfection

What is perfection? Who says what is perfect? Is there a single unique definition for perfection? For us, perfection basically boils down to being skinny and beautiful. Where does that idea come form? How about trying to improve other more important things than our looks?

Overcoming perfectionism. The how to.

There are different approaches to overcoming perfectionism. It is very important to identify where in your life you apply this kind of thinking and relax the generalizations you make about things.

It takes long, but you have to start by convincing yourself, that...well...it is impossible that you will ever get to be perfect.

Other approach, is to think that you are already perfect, just the way you were created.

You may also have to work on feeling comfortable with other people seeing your flaws, they probably already do...so...just get comfortable with it.

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